REMEDY

bourbon to cure sore red bumps on the tongue

after tim switched toothpastes to a new kind that had aloe in it because it was fifty percent off at the wedge he began to get red sore bumps on his tongue. he called them canker sores for a while, but that's not really what they were. he returned the toothpaste and got a new one, but the bumps didn't go away.

the bumps were quite disabling. he was unable to enjoy a "hot dago" that we were going to split (essentially an italian sausage sandwhich) due to the acidity in the tomato sauce. when he was the first one to try linda's raspberry rhubarb squares, the best rhubarb squares i have ever eaten, he wasn't even able to taste it due to the pain. when i gave him a few kettle cooked barbeque chips he cried out "ahhhh extra crispy barbeque chips!" and said it felt like he was eating glass, and then blamed me for allowing him to eat them. the bumps were showing no signs of going away.

then one night we all went to pizza farm, and devin and lily had brought a bottle of bourbon. tim was poured a glass and when he tried it he noted that it was making his tongue feel better. i assumed it was probably just the numbing effects of alcohol. tim kept drinking the bourbon, glass after glass. he must have had about seven or eight. each time he asked for more he claimed he was doing it for health reasons, like the teen stoner who smokes pot for arthritis. when it was time to leave and we were sorting out rides home, the first decision was that tim certainly wasn't able to drive.

in any case, the next morning he woke up and his tongue was completely healed. i even watched him eat a bowl of pasta with eggplant ragu.

in the blog that i am doing for becky she likes to categorize her posts under LABELS.

one is "INSPIRATION"

i feel this should be labeled as such.

whoever has been questioning american ingenuity due to this economic meltdown clearly hasn't picked up the latest skymall catalog, the unrivaled leader in new shit that we had never even thought about but upon seeing must have, as well as the shit that we thought only existed in movies (i.e. "spy pen" and "video recording sunglasses") and upon seeing have decided should remain the shit that only exists in movies. i guess what i am saying is despite the fact that it may seem a bit outlandish, i am glad there is a place i can buy "the first ever underwater pogo stick". sure, it seems odd. don't we already float in the water? can't we already bounce of the bottom and sides of a pool without a special stick? maybe we can, but then again maybe we can't really. is there more bounce underwater than we knew about? do we really know what we are missing until we buy one? is it the next olympic sport? raven wrote that "the perfect purchase extends us into the future". i think a purchase of the first ever underwater pogo stick could do much more. borrowing from the product description, i dare to believe that it could allow us to "splash effortlessly" and "bound powerfully" all the way to 2011.

with every new hobby, there are a lot of wonderful purchases to be made.
now that i have started thinking about the possibility of fishing, i like to buy those sparkling gummy worms at the super longs drugstore that smell like fruit loops and taste like plastic flavored plastic. there are a million different colors, and although they look like candy and smell like candy, they never get smaller when you suck on them. im still not sure what they are actually for, or what tackle means outside of football, but like i say, there is nothing that beats the thrill of stocking up on goods and getting ready to begin a new activity.

the best of leiris

"This was the period when i spent most of my nights in Montamartre, hanging around nigh clubs like Zelli's and preferring the Negro bars to all the rest. I had new friends with whom I drank and philosophized , for drink, smoke, music, and crowds constituted the mental stimulants we considered most favorable to inspiration. Quite often I got drunk, more convinced than ever of alcohol's value and appreciating, moreover, the bitter sweet flavor of cocktails, the snowy taste of champagne, and the sharp tang of whiskey."

"The girl was not without charm, but lisped and slightly resembled some kind of nocturnal bird because of her way of closing one eye without narrowing or even winking the other. Perhaps for this reason, we called her Owl."

bukowski for you

"That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen."

"Nothing was ever in tune. People just blindly grabbed at whatever there was: communism, health foods, zen, surfing, ballet, hypnotism, group encounters, orgies, biking, herbs, Catholicism, weight-lifting, travel, withdrawal, vegetarianism, India, painting, writing, sculpting, composing, conducting, backpacking, yoga, copulating, gambling, drinking, hanging around, frozen yogurt, Beethoven, Back, Buddha, Christ, TM, H, carrot juice, suicide, handmade suits, jet travel, New York City, and then it all evaporated and fell apart. People had to find things to do while waiting to die. I guess it was nice to have a choice."

two philosophies dylan told me about last night:

the salsa thermometer of life.

this philosophy suggests that we rate the events in our life not in terms of bad to good, but mild to spicy. spicy events would be those that are more memorable, varied, new and exciting. mild events would be just that, a little more mild, mundane, possibly pleasurable but not so memorable. dylan said that if you don't like spicy salsa then you don't even really like salsa at all, you just like tomatoes. i might dispute this, but the larger point remains valid. if we put our immediate comfort ahead of varied experiences we aren't even really living at all but just eating a bushel of tomatoes.

the non-stop party wagon.

this philosophy was portrayed prominently in the movie "yes man" with jim carrey and zooey deschanel in which he says "yes" to everything, no matter what it is. this philosophy could be called the "yes" or "yes man" philosophy, but personally i much prefer "the non-stop party wagon". one thing we decided about this one was that you should spend a lot of time thinking about your decision to get on "the wagon" before you do it, because once your on it all that decision making goes right out the window. the wagon window.

Would you like a coke and wine?
Would you like that, Argentine?

Would you like it on a beach, would you like it with a peach?
Would you like it with a steak? Would you like it in a lake?
Would you like it in a club? Would you like it in a tub?
Would you like it on a bus would you like it on a train or in the sun or in the rain?

Would you like that coke and wine?
Do you think that would taste fine?

This just can’t taste right, coke and wine,
This just can’t taste right Argentine.

Would it taste good in the heat? Would it taste good with that meat?
Would it taste good all night long or with a dance or with a thong?
Would it taste good with your brunch? Or with a snack or as your lunch?
Would it taste good as a diet? Would it taste good if I try it?

Oh you silly Argentine
I do love this coke and wine

I love it on beach, with a steak
With a peach and in the lake,
I do love it in the clubs and on a bus and in the tub.
In the rain and on a train and in the sun and when in pain.

Love it in the heat with the meat all night long all night strong
In a thong and with a song
I do love this coke and wine, I agree is tastes quite fine.

quick math.

If I take a shower every night, and only remember half, does that make me an alcoholic? If I say I can drink two drinks but I drink four, where does that leave me? Or, say I plan on four but only have three. Am I better because of it? If I routinely drink one drink a day but move up to two, does that fall under the category of moving towards disaster, and if I routinely drink two but never more, is that better or worse than a habit of one and the occasional five? Three plus three always equals six, but is six better when it is divided by three and comes out to two? If there is two one night and four the next which way takes the cake? Two plus two plus two, one plus five plus none, three plus three, four plus one plus one, six plus zero and then all over again. Whoever said math was the place for answers, fuck them. The more that I drink and the more that i think the more that I’m sure that math never adds up.

REMY MARTIN

under the catagory of drinks and what we do when we drink them

remember when you and michael drank that whole bottle at the end of the party and he passed out in the drivers seat of his car in front of gaga's house and woke up with his shirt off, and you passed out on the couch, as usual, right after you talked to dad for an hour about the experience we would have if we all ate mushrooms together in the woods?
that was a good night. the plane ride the next morning was not so good.

gimlets

short poems are nice because they are a way of giving life to all sorts of observations, images and stupid ideas that don't belong anywhere. writing them is like the literary equivalent of head-to-tail eating. don't waste anything. even the offal.

1.

a glass room

has advantages

and disadvantages

2.

follow the sirens

to one of 6 hospitals

in my neighborhood

3.

they talk in Korean

except for the words

"nasal spray"

4.

the laundry on the floor

is not the laundry

just a few of my shirts

5.

smoking hookah

hannah pretends

that she is a dragon

6.

the infinite

is serious

the temporary

is funny

7.

there are too many tall buildings

between me

and my friends

8.

a very strong man

patrols the neighborhood

9.

with peanuts

and some time

i walk to Union Square

REMEDIES

1 alcoholism treatment using grapes
the restricted diet of grapes for about a month is a vital home remedy for alcoholism. as this fruit contains a very pure form of alcohol it acts like a healthy alternative to alcohol. the ideal process is to take three meals a day of fresh grapes every five hours

2 alcoholism treatment using dates
dates are beneficial in treating alcoholism. rub 3-4 dates in half a glass of water and have the alcoholic drink this two times a day for a period of about a month.

3 anxiety treatment using bathing
when you feel an anxiety attack coming on, you can have a cold shower or soak in a warm bath, whichever works for you.

4 anxiety treatment using water or tea
when you start to feel stressed out, drink a whole glass of water, or else sit back and sip a cup of tea.

5 anxiety treatment using alcohol
when you start to feel anxious, drink a whole glass of alcohol very quickly, then continue to sip for a few hours until you feel no more anxiety, or anything else for that matter.

a little something for summer time i suppose.

http://www.myspace.com/sonnythesunsets

still doing daily sfbayarea craigslist "summer" search under jobs. i trust you are doing your part as well.

potato chips

under the category of chips and how much we eat-- 16 ounces (1 lb) 454g.

scotch

under the category of drinks and what our friends do when they drink them

cham pag ne

under the catagory of types of drinks and what we do when we drink them.

In response to Doritos, have you perhaps taken notice of the new
FIRST, SECOND and THIRD degree burn Doritos.

Which are marketed hand in hand with the new PEPSI CEASE FIRE!!!

ah, the truth that lies in this, the problems we create in order to distract ourselves with putting them out.

you are old news frito lay

mcsweeney's recommends:

Doritos
Not all the time, and not Cool Ranch, but most people would probably be happier if they ate at least a single Dorito per year. Don't be a hero.

one more source to persuade cute hipster chicks to pose in leotards for my "ballerinas for doritos" ad campaign.

now drunkenness, considered among other vices, has always seemed to me gross and brutish. in others our minds play a larger part; and there are some vices which have something or other magnanimous about them, if that is the right word. there are some which are intermingled with learning, diligence, valour, prudence, skill and finesse: drunkenness is all body and earth. moreover the grossest nation of our day is alone in honouring it. other vices harm our intellect: this one overthrows it

michel de montaigne, on drunkenness